English is the Only Important Language

There’s no point in knowing any language other than English. If you already speak English, you should be dedicating your efforts to expanding your esoteric vocabulary and improving your hardcore writing skills. If you don’t know English, you should learn it ASAP. It’s that important.

In high school, I took multiple years of French a complete waste of time. You know what wasn’t a waste of time? Typing. My record speed jumped up to 114 words per minute a fast secretary is 70 because I systematized how my fingers found the keys. I don’t regret the first typing course, but the second was a bit redundant. (I believe I took two — that’s according to an iffy memory.)

Why is English so vital? Because it is the language of business, of science, of common culture, of music, of movies, of day-to-day interactions internationally. An Italian visitor to Africa meets a Japanese visitor to the same area and both speak to each other in English. English is the modern-day Latin. Except English is easier to learn for a variety of reasons. The motivation and the help are all there, out front.

It would make sense if the entire world switched to English-only. Yes, you too France. Your shitty Romance language is nothing but bastardized Latin, anyway. You got taken over by the Romans and they imprinted their language on you and now you want to hug it to your chest and make sure it never, never goes away, like an unrequited lover who’s about to run away from you.

The Tower of Babel was a Christian/Jewish myth used to explain the proliferation of languages. Nothing has caused more annoyance and trouble than this proliferation. English is a fine language to have as THE ONE tongue. It is Germanic-based, with a heavy French admixture, and lots of Greek and Roman as well. It takes a little from everything from Italian (grafitti, paparazzi) to Czech (robot). It even borrows from Japanese (ninja, karaoke).

The reason English is so ubiquitous is primarily because of the United States of America. The fact that Britain, with its 60 million English speakers, is in Europe helps too. But America is the first prime mover. There are 450 million English-as-a-first-language speakers, spread about the world from Australia to Canada, and they all live in rich, technologically advanced, culturally globo-dominant countries. These are places that punch above their weight socially.

English is a rich, beautiful language that only needs more vowels at the end of its words. That’s its biggest shortcoming. For things like songs, you really need vowels. But other than that, it’s damn-near perfect.

Learn English. Love it. Cuddle up to it like the softest teddy bear. It’s yours to discover, to quote the Ontario license plate.

9 thoughts on “English is the Only Important Language

  1. I have thought before that European countries should change their first language to English. Most of us already have the same currency, the next step would be to have the same language. Of course, they could still preserve their native language, turning their citizens billingual.

    Either way, this might not even be necessary because if you are civilized and educated, you already know English. I started studying English at school when I was 10 years old. My parents even put me in private English classes before that. This is to say that for practical purposes, we are all already speaking English. Every school in any civilized country teaches English to children for several years, starting at a young age.

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    1. I disagree even that they should preserve their native language, for a bilingual citizenry. They should put that garbage — and it is garbage — behind them and plunge into the English-only future.

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  2. I studied French at school. Back then, there weren’t two languages taught in schools like there are today. However, nowadays, with translators, you can understand and speak other languages. Until a few years ago, if I was in a country other than Italy, I would use gestures. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

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    1. Like I say, French is a waste of time. It doesn’t have one-tenth the global reach English does. It’s a marginal, has-been language that lost out when Napoleon lost his bid for world power.

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    1. There are cases of Chinese parents giving their children English names. In Hong Kong, a billionaire’s son is named Richard Li. But it extends beyond the Hong Kong area, up the coast and in the interior.

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  3. There are some dying languages that have interesting words. There’s a word for that sound you make when you put something in your mouth that’s too hot and you quickly suck in directed air to cool it off before it burns you. There’s a word for when two people both badly want to say something but neither one wants to start. Coining new words can be dangerous or good depending. Teenagers often coin new words that corrupt the language and change it in a way that obfuscates. But on the other hand the French academy tried to stop change and also only allow certain birth names. That degraded them also.

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