The world is hungering for a mega rock star to take his anointed place in the firmament of stars.

For too long now, we’ve had small singers, minor musicians. Not since the 1950s and 1960s with stars such as the Beatles and Elvis has there been someone who was truly big.

Today’s star is Taylor Swift, a neurotic girl-singer who sings constantly of her relationships with men in the most boring, drivelish style possible. She is supported by females en masse, the same audience that previously would have listened to One Direction or the Backstreet Boys or NKOTB. There is no power in a female audience. Without men as fans, you have nothing. This is as true now as it was during the 1960s.

It used to be that screaming females got overexcited at concerts of their male idols. Then the shrieking excitement stopped. That was a curious and strange development. My theory is that there is a handful of women out there who control social matters, and they elected to put a stop to men overstimulating women into screaming. These women didn’t like it that their fellow woman was going out of control psycho at the presence of male gods/icons/idols. So they fixed it but good, by getting to the male singer and making him into a neutered puppy.

The rock star god we need has to bring back the screaming female audience member. He has to be immune from the conditioning efforts of the handful of controlling women.

An ideal rock star would be smart and good-looking in equal measure. He would be educated but not pedantically so. He would be slick.

His life would tell a narrative, a soap opera almost, of exciting mini-stories. Let’s face it: most people lead boring and pointless lives. A rock star god would give meaning to their sordid little existences.

Someone like David Lee Roth of early Van Halen made an inappropriate rock star. He was just too goofy, grinning like a schmuck and jumping around like a baboon. Someone like Eminem of later years was too angry, too limited in his hip hop role, with its social-conflict lyrics and hatred of other popular-famous people. A real rock star is expansive. A real rock star is like Elvis, only Elvis was a Southern moron, a gospel-singing twit who dabbled in movies because to him that was real credibility. Elvis was big because there was a yawning void where the competition should have been.

We live in prosperous times. A music career entails too much risk. Only poor black youth get into the industry any more. With the death of music stores, it sends a message that it’s better to get a real job, in an office somewhere, than bleed and sweat music from your very pores, traveling on the road, trying to drum up interest for yourself or your band.

And yet the kind of man who would make an ideal rock star would be able to succeed in the real world, as well. He wouldn’t be good at only one thing — music — he would be an omnivore.

Being famous entails living under a great deal of pressure. By now it is understood that the lack of privacy makes life insufferable. The role of rock star god would be the ultimate pressure cooker, ramming you into a series of public encounters that would not always end well. This is just one of the barriers to minting a new rock star. His sensitivity, a necessary component of his essence or personality, would recoil at surrendering his privacy to the mass media circus.

So then, to recap: we need a white male, at least six feet tall, of good looks and high intelligence, who can sing, and perhaps move in dancing rhythm, to fill the role of rock star. He has to be willing to accept the loss of his privacy and the endless lawsuits and paternity suits that would come flying his way.

If he understood the difference between Slovakia and Slovenia (he was educated), so much the better.

He would speak English as a first language. He would be from the Anglosphere (U.K., Canada, States) and have experience living in a big city. He would be urban to the core (a fault of Elvis’s).

Somewhere, in the mists and depths of time, there must be such a man. Think of all the sex with hot chicks he could have! In ordinary life, to be good looking doesn’t spare one the effort you need to seduce. But a rock star needs no effort. His people just select hot chicks from the audience and invites them backstage after the concert. That alone would make the rock star life desirable.

There are many benefits to the rock star life. The money is another one. It is possible to become a billionaire from one’s concerts. Ticket prices are sky high these days. Ticketmaster and similar companies are fronting a major business, as people conglomerate in front of their chosen idols to get close to them and share the experience of a lifetime.

Is there artistry to music? I think so, yes. But in a sense, the more of an artist you are with your music, the more of a disadvantage you are at. It’s like writing. The truly great writers are the slogging away in the literary fields, but they have isolated themselves from the mass market. Fame as a rock star is an amateur’s endeavor. You have to have a feel for music, without getting your Ph.D. in it.

Lenin said that electricity plus soviets equaled Communism. A similar formulation would be music talent plus synthesizers equals megafame. The synthesizer is the key instrument in today’s world. The super-ideal rock star would be able to play synthesizer and sing, like Gowan of Canada (who was a malformed nerd of the liberal persuasion).

In the end, the world is calling, calling… for its musical champion.