The two men were separated by almost 2,000 years; Caesar was the consummate Ancient, and Napoleon was the First Modern. Let’s take a look at them, shall we?

Caesar was kidnapped by pirates at a young age. He told them he’d get them. And after he was released, he took steps to ensure the bastards were caught and executed.

His decisive, vengeful style was to impact his later decisions in full measure.

Napoleon was born on the island of Corsica, which belonged to an Italian city-state until the French took over in 1769. Napoleon pledged allegiance to the French nation. He waxed poetic about the glory and grandeur of the French flag and the French symbols of state, particularly the crown. In the early 1800s he seized complete power, saying “I found the crown of France lying on the ground, and I lifted it up with my sword.”

Caesar attempted to rule like a king, and the jealous men of the Senate knifed him to death for his aspirations. France was used to kings … Rome, a republic, was not.

The lesson? Do not allow independent power centers in your new state. Wipe out any and all vestiges of command that do not flow from your own writ.

When Caesar was crossing the Rubicon, set to march on Rome, it must have struck him what a momentous decision this was. Of course it did not delay his final decision. The Great Man, bound to a higher set of ethics, observes no mortal law but that which he finds expedient to follow. In this, both Caesar and Napoleon were quite similar.

Another point of similarity is the men sending dispatches back to their capital whereby they attempted to make their actions appear in the best light possible. If you want a job done right, do it yourself, neh? Napoleon was pleased to be seen as the energetic young general-at-large, battling the English, taking the brunt of war to the Italians. Caesar, an older, more experienced man, could not claim the mantle of youth, but he took that of decisive commander, strong attacker and astute general. Gaul is divided into three parts …

Napoleon reconstituted the Court of France after he made himself Emperor. It proved remarkably easy to do. It is a tragedy that the filthhole he was fucking was unable to deliver a baby boy into his arms. Knowing what we know of genetics, the gender of the baby comes from the father, so perhaps we cannot blame her too harshly, although if he had multiple wives, like the Mohammedans did, he would have stood a better chance of impregnating the all-important BOY.

Charming his way through Rome, Julius Caesar relied on other people more than Napoleon did. Rome was a more consensual society. In dictatorial France, you could get away with thumbing your nose up at society. In Ancient Rome, it was paramount to make alliances and network exhaustively. Caesar did all this and more.

In Julius Caesar’s First Triumvirate, he bonded together with Pompey and Crassus. Caesar was by far the most skilled negotiator of power among the three of them. In allying with wealth, he was funding his own campaigns indirectly. If he had needed to borrow money, I suppose he could have done so with impunity. Caesar, installed in the firmament of Time as perhaps the Greatest of Great Men, shines with history whereas his First Triumvirate partners lie unremembered and forgotten.

Napoleon’s greatest battles were fought around the years 1807-08. By then he had enough experience to exploit the weaknesses of any opponent who dared face him. The Napoleonic Wars reached its peak with the Battle of Friedland. In it, Napoleon faced the Russians, who were, man-for-man, inferior to the French and, coupled with his leadership, almost guaranteed an annihilating affair.

The War of the Fourth Coalition had been draining France steadily, like a leech, and Napoleon’s victory bought some much-needed breathing space. But Napoleon’s slow descent into imprisonment and eventual poisoning by the British was matched by Caesar’s quick loss of life at the hands of quickly stabbing blades. Both men were proven unable to control the complex flow of events. Napoleon’s great flaw was that he didn’t take care of England first. Caesar’s great flaw was that he didn’t neutralize the Senate. Together, these flaws almost negate the men’s membership in the Pantheon of Great Men.

Dear Adolf Hitler,

At the moment of your greatest victory, when British Expeditionary Force troops were hemmed up against the coast of Dunkirk, France, you suddenly experienced a bout of extreme nerves and fear. Right. Color me skeptical.

This was totally unlike you. And yet, it is a recorded part of history. Later you said, “I let the British go.”

But why would you do that? If you had slaughtered them all to a man, disregarding the Geneva Convention, taking no prisoners, you would have demoralized them to the point of London suing for peace. Winston Churchill would have never come to power. What force got into your head, into your heart?

In a word: WOMEN. They turned you against yourself, mind-on-mind. They made you doubt. They played your emotions like lute-strings.

I know that women have secret powers over men. They don’t share this knowledge in public where men could read about it. But I know.

Just as women have the advantage in personal relationships, groups of women have the advantage in public situations. Women stabilize societies so they — the physically weaker and more annoying sex — don’t get abused on a daily basis. They do this through their near-magical power of the minds. With the same power, Adolf, they were able to get into your head and turn your natural inclinations into a pussified state of utter cowardice … utterly unlike you. I feel your loss.

Dunkirk was where you lost the war. Then later you tussled with the notion of starting a two-front war against the Soviets and the British. You agonized over that for days or weeks before coming to the decision to attack the Russians. And even while you were losing the battles, you refused to withdraw your divisions to the Fatherland. You committed 100% to suicide. Doesn’t this all sound suspiciously femme-derived to you?

WOMEN. They cannot be trusted.

In one timeline, Winston Churchill is assassinated by an Anarchist and no one is there to pick up the reins of English resistance to the Nazis. Hitler glides to an easy victory, despite the mental nitpicking of the women, and a new Reich lasts more than a thousand years.

In another timeline, it is Hitler who is assassinated and Himmler takes control. Himmler proves harder to manipulate by women than Hitler was. Himmler prudently withdraws all German forces from Russian territory and expands the U-boat armada to sink England’s food lifeline. Himmler manages to squeak out a victory.