“My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.” — Rodney Dangerfield, comedian

I’ve never been sure if women have a weaker sex drive than men or merely suppress their sexual activities for a variety of reasons.

If men have a love drive — and they do — it only makes sense that women would have a sex drive. Otherwise, the act is incomplete; it makes no sense. If only one party wants something, and the other party doesn’t, that’s a recipe for fucked-up-ness. So, we can say women have a sex drive.

I can hear you chuckling into your fist. Of course women have a sex drive! You say. But they sure have a funny way of showing it. They did a study where reasonably attractive women went up to guys on a campus and offered to have sex. 75% of guys accepted. The same study pitted reasonably attractive guys on women — and there were zero takers. That’s 0% on the girls’ side. That’s right. Of all the independent, non-clonelike-thinking young women, not a single one broke from the pack. They all rushed to the doors in their fleeing from the good-looking young men who were committing the cardinal sin of waving their dick around.

Of course, this could be a result of social conformity, but it is striking how women don’t like casual sex. And yet, a woman will dress up and go out for a one-night encounter with a man. Women’s sexuality is a bunch of contradictions.

I feel as if we’re missing an important part of the puzzle. I think what women generally abhor is sex without an emotional connection. It doesn’t have to be a formal relationship like a marriage, for example, but she generally has to get off on his emotional side before she gets off on his physical side. (Once I was at a house party at university and a drunk girl put her hand down my pants while I did very little that was forward with her. So it does happen that she can do it without emotion — if she’s drunk.)

I also think women are trained to “hold back” when the man is inferior in any way. Naturally, women inflate their true value until almost the brink of infertility — and sometimes beyond. A woman seems to believe she’s worthwhile even when she’s a steaming pile of dung. A 6 believes she’s a 9. You see?

I know for a fact that women undervalue a guy’s looks. Otherwise, I would have had easy sex my whole life — and I haven’t. I’ve had maybe two girls approach me in my entire life, and it wasn’t for direct sex, but for a relationship/sex thing — direct sex would have had to call for active assertiveness on my part.

One girl said I had “beautiful eyes” — which was just her lameoid way of making a pass at me. My eyes were okay then but nothing compared to what they are now. She wrote me a long note expressing her feelings for me. Okay, great. Now what?

Oh, I know, I know, now I do all the hard work and heavy lifting. As per usual. Girls could have sex so easily — even the ugly ones — and they would rather be celibate and masturbate than take the effortless steps necessary to get laid. That’s one of the things which makes me doubt the female sex drive. Why would you touch yourself when you could have another human being touch you? Are they fucking retarded or what?

No girl should ever touch herself with her hand while fantasizing about a man. She should be out there offering her body to the hottest guy she can find for meaningless, exotic s-e-x.

Girls like to believe in grrl power, but the ultimate female power is to go up to a man, rub your tits in his face and shiver your body with desire to get him going. And yet that variety of power is never resorted to in this or any other reality. Not once has a chick plopped her cleavage on another man’s nose. But why not? It works. It sends the message that she likes him, certainly. It’s simple and effective. But no. Girls hate to be obvious; they’d much rather dance on the music floor and flirt around with guys.

And they hate sex with multiple guys so much that “crack-whore” is often conflated with simple “whore.” It breaks them to sleep around, whereas it makes men healthy and strong. Look at Mick Jagger. He had the ideal set-up: frequent, cheap, casual sex and a multiyear girlfriend at different times for his emotional needs. Girlfriends aren’t total crap, you know. When you have hand over them, they can be kinda fun. (When they have hand, it turns into a nightmare.)

Every female can be seduced, though. That’s one of the chief lessons of life. Just be persistent and keep coming back and coming back. If you have to, space it out with deliberate long absences. Then come back again and try knocking on that door. You’ll see.